Pardon the following cliche, but it couldn’t be more appropriate.

Everyone responds differently to a breakup.

I know I know, the refrain is quite stale, but it’s true, isn’t it?

I guarantee you responded differently to your first breakup than your most recent one.

It’s this response that determines when you should start dating after a breakup.

Look, the main point of dating is to find someone that you dig and dig hard. If, after a breakup, you’re not in the right mind-space to be receptive to having romantic feelings again, it might be best that you stay home and binge The Queen’s Gambit with a box of Milk Duds by your side until you start feeling better.

But hey, many a wise man once said, everyone responds differently to a breakup.

Am I Dating Too Soon After My Breakup?

In this article, we’ll look at how you reacted to a breakup and help you figure out if you’re dating too soon after a breakup.

Did You Consciously Grieve The Loss Of Your Relationship?

If not, it’s too soon to date.

During my 100-date experiment, I dated a man who had recently gotten out of a relationship. I came into the date with the expectation of having a good time and trying to figure out if this person is good boyfriend material (the same mentality anyone going on a first date should have).

The guy had the opposite mentality.

He made it abundantly clear that he was still pining for his ex and had no intention of trying to get to know me.

It ended up being a waste of time for both of us. It was clear he wasn’t over his ex and was just using me to try and forget her.

Thanks, but no thanks.

That being said, not everyone grieves after a breakup. Not everyone does a deep dive into their IG crying over every couples-photo they’ve posted. Some breakups are mutual, some are abrupt, others are a long time coming.

When we initially hear that someone has broken up our first reaction is to commiserate and lament about how much of a bummer the breakup is. That need not always be the case. Some breakups are worth cheering about. Hell, some breakups are worth celebrating by going out and having sex with the closest breathing stranger.

I guess what I’m getting at is that you don’t want to realize you’re not over your ex while on a date with another person.

Again, this happened to me, and it sucked for both of us.

After a breakup — whether you ended it or not — reflect on your relationship. Ask yourself if you’re fine. Ask yourself why it happened and if you’re okay that she/he’s no longer in your life.

After reflection and perhaps a week of solitude, you might be ready to actively date again.

But hey, you won’t 100% know until you get back out there.

Are You Jumping Into A Relationship So You Don’t Have To Be Alone?

Companionship can become routine.

And if there’s one thing we all know about humans, it’s that they freakin’ love routines.

We love our schedules and patterns, even if they include dating people we’re kind of iffy about.

So when that awesome (or iffy) person gets cut out of your life you’ll have an urge to immediately fill that void. Sleeping next to a warm body every night is dope, let’s just be honest.

They provide natural warmth, are there to talk to when you wake up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream, and are also someone to have sex with when you wake up from that good dream in the middle of the night and want your dream to come true.

Look I’ve seen a lot of my students jump into a relationship simply because they’re too afraid to be alone.

Sometimes their partners have passed away and they don’t know what to do with themselves so they jump into the first relationship they can find. The thing about not feeling a potential partner out before becoming a romantic unit is that as quickly as you fell for them they can wind up crippling your life. People are complex and can quickly inject an abundance of joy into your life. They can also do the opposite.

You wouldn’t hire a dog-sitter without properly vetting them would you? Why act differently with a new romantic fling?

Many a person will also cling to the first person that maintains eye contact for more than a second because they’re afraid that no one else will love them.

Address this unfounded feeling by MegaDating.

MegaDating is the act of dating various people simultaneously. By doing so you’ll quickly learn that there are plenty of single people out there that are attracted to you. Knowing this will imbue you with the confidence that you don’t have to settle.

It’s so important to grieve the loss of a relationship, focus on yourself and your healing, then, when you’re ready, to MegaDate so you don’t jump too quickly into a relationship with the wrong person.

Rushing into a relationship can land you in nasty and expensive divorces, it can give you PTSD or sabotage your mental health, it can cause all kinds of drama for your family and friends who want you to be healthy and happy. It can be terrible for kids, who may also still be processing the divorce or breakup. Examine why you fear being alone so much. I’d recommend working with a counselor to identify what experiences in your past may have caused this fear to be so prominent.

Is There A Chance The Two Of You Will Get Back Together?

If the answer is yes, then figure that sh*t out asap.

Dating effectively means being able to be receptive to new people. But how can you be open to new romantic possibilities if you’re thinking about getting back together with your ex?

This is a clear indication that you’re dating too soon after a breakup.

Don’t bother wasting your time or theirs. Making them think they have a shot with you when you’re still into your ex is cruel. That’s not fair for anyone.

Are You Comparing Every Person You Date To Your Ex?

You’re still not over them.

A little comparison is natural and wise, but it’s not fair to compare every first date with a person you were intimate with for an extended period of time.

If this is the case, they’ll never stack up.

You and the person you knew shared unforgettable experiences, opened up to each other on levels that you haven’t with anyone else, and have a rich history together. The person most likely sitting across from you with sweaty palms doesn’t have any of that.

It’s the first freakin’ date.

First dates are basically like romantic interviews. They should be quick, yet long enough to determine whether or not you want to see them again.

You can’t reasonably expect to finish a first date saying to yourself, “wow, I haven’t had this much fun with someone in ages,” or “wow, this person’s so much (fill in the blank) than my ex.”

This dude or chick is a stranger. Strangers rarely stack up to people you’ve dated for years.

Are you constantly comparing them to an ex?

If so, consider taking a timeout from dating. Also consider hiring a professional coach to point you in the right direction.

Stop Teetering And Date

If you’re waiting for a sign that you’re good to start dating again it may never come. Bumble won’t one day magically find itself downloaded on your phone full of sexy matches.

There’s only so much ice cream and HBO you can watch before you’re over your ex.

That being said, the only real way to know if you’re ready is to date.

Dating can actually help you get over the person you’ve been pining for.

Clients of mine have often stayed with a woman or man longer than they should’ve.

They do this because of a lack of confidence or they’re stuck in a some sort of a routine. They might be scared that no one other than the person they’re currently dating will ever love them.

This is a terrifying thought – but it’s not true.

Most likely you’re surrounded by thousands of singles that would love to date you.

Going on a date will help you realize this. If one date doesn’t quite do the trick, go on another. The more dates you go on the more you’ll realize that you’re capable of finding love again.

The more time you spend alone at home the more time you’ll waste thinking about previous relationships.

F**k It Out

Any good friend will tell you that the best way to get over your ex is to have sex with someone else.

They’ll tell you that all you need to do to get back to your good ol’ self is to find a rebound.

They’re not entirely wrong.

Look not all rebound sex is created equal.

You won’t feel any better if you have sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with. This seems like a no-duh kind of thing, but how often have we forced-fed this idea that all sex is good sex?

Forcing yourself to bone someone you’re lukewarm about isn’t the way to get over an ex. In fact, it’s the opposite of what you should be doing. Imagine having horrid sex with someone that isn’t your ex for the first time in years. After the rather moist disappointment, you’re likely to start wondering if life after him/her will ever be good again.

This is why it’s important to only have sex people you’re genuinely attracted to.

Your heart — and possibly other areas of your body — are looking to fill a void left by your former love.

You’re low on dopamine and are in need of a fix. That’s where a sexy dalliance could help you out. Sex with someone new can help you transition away from your previous romance and towards other romantic possibilities.

What’s Next?

Dating Decoded

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days.

This will give you ample potential partners to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find a highly compatible partner in just weeks and become the most eligible single in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists for men. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Darshil is our mock date coach for women. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Renee is our anxiety dating coach. As a licensed therapist she knows the steps needed to turn you into a cool, calm, and collected dater
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting singles online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded you’d be joining a community of supportive singles and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.